3/5/20

 Well I guess this is It. Ive got to say this project has become so personal to me. Of course Its sick that Im going to get a qualification but the project has become more to me than that. As cheesy as it is I do feel like ive realised if I work really fucking hard shit will pay off. Well I hope so. Ive just learnt so much about my practices's and relationships with them. Especially with photography, I wrote myself an essay type thing of how I got into photography and who my original influences were (SEE IN RESEARCH). But yeah my relationship with my work. How I keep organised, motivated and most importantly stay sane. Ive learnt how passionate i really am, How annoying i probably am, how much i swear , and ive learnt that i am a creative. If i work hard i could just have my work at the tate one day you never fuckin know. 

FUTURE IDEAS FOR THIS PROJECT:

19/4/20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTlfuS1svOc      

The video is finished, polished and now on youtube. Im so fucking happy. It came out even better than I imagined. To be quite honest I feel somewhat emotional about the film. Well really emotional. Photography has always been my main form of expression. Its what got me into art in the first place. I think im emotional because at the time of taking some of my photographs ( about 2 years ago) they were pushed to the side, hidden and considered 'grotesque' by my old photography teacher at school. She said they were never appropriate and I needed to get rid of them. But these photographs were and still are so special to me. All of my photos are, I find it super difficult to delete or rule out any pictures. I feel like that could be linked to my mental health but thats another story. Basically the photos my teacher hated were the ones of my friends kissing passionately or us all getting pissed and or stoned on a night out on the town. (Of course at 17 that meant drinking at the park and in carparks at like midnight) . I understand now that these photographs probably weren't appropriate for secondary school and sixth form students but ive always felt that the most shocking photographs tend to be the most beautiful and gripping. The more brutal the better. I like playing with the viewers emotions. Im sure in some of these photos people cringe and maybe even close their eyes at some point. But i dont give a shit. The whole point is to share stolen moments that I think are incredibly beautiful and sacred ,but could be viewed as shocking and grim, and to portray a conflicting emotion to over power the viewer. Creating an atmosphere in my work is so important to me. Grip the audience until the very end. 

Anyway, Im really happy with my final outcome finally being ready and out in the world. Im looking forward to the feed back from my friends, peers and tutors. Its weird that the project is coming to an end I really didn't expect it to go down different roads and i wasnt prepared for how much I would truly care for this project. As excited as I am to complete this project and get a grade at the end of it. I dont care about the 'academic' outcome as much as I thought I would. Infact this project has become one of the most personal pieces of work ive ever created. Its made me think a lot about my art  journey and getting to CSM. 

Thanks to everyone in the film. 

Thanks to my old photography teacher for being a dickhead. 

Most of all, thank you Grandad for getting me into photography. 

16/4/20

The video is taking a long time to edit. The photographs need to change to fit the rhythm of part of the music. Ive been doing long sits by my desk, Like a few hours in bulk. It just feels like every time  im getting somewhere with it something disrupts is all. In particular, me almost finishing it and realised Id miss calculated the amount of photographs that would 'fit' in the song with the particular rhythm, so id have to go back and fill in the gaps. However that meant a lot of re editing and trimming. It honestly felt like it was never going to end. However like always I do enjoy editing my work myself. Then I feel like I can know its perfect and it was done with my bare hands. 

13/4/20

Over the weekend I managed to complete my series of paintings. Im really happy with how they have turned out. I tried playing with different techniques to create different textures and tones on the canvas. I used acrylic paint (normal and spray paint) and used a few different colours that are significant to my project and the atmosphere Im truing to create with them. The punk pink is a main base colour I chose to use due to its connotations with punk and rebellion. Pink is usually considered a feminine colour, but this dark and punchy pink, to me, resembles power and protest. Pussy Riot the feminist group in Russia often use the colour in their art and activism. The iconic pink and yellow design of Anarchy In The UK is a punk and rebellious people, acting out against the establishment. I also worked with a deep red to represent the blood of the many lives lost due to the neglectful and sometimes brutal society that we live in. Also to the families of those. I wrote some text on my paintings, some short phrases that I used in a poem about how I feel about social injustice. These I wrote in black with a small black paint pen. I used pink and black spray paint, I attempted different techniques and im happy with what ive come out with. 

I am now planning on dedicating as much time as I can to my video.  

8/4/20

Yesterday I gathered as many photos as i could find and today I have started to edit the video. I am sad that I have been unable to find a lot of the photographs I picked out but Hey ho. Im struggling to be able to use photographs on premier so i have been doing my basic editing of iMovie and when I am finished ill use premier to polish and edit the sound ect. 

7/4/20

So Im fucking freaking out. My photo album that was ready to be edited into a video have disappeared. IM GONNA SCREAM 

Okay so today has been a shit show ive spent the last 4 odd hours going through memory cards again today, edited the ones I could find and I have started my video. Im going to have a separate little sketchbook for my thoughts, decisions and ideas for my video. Ill upload them to my sketchbook page on workflow. 

After carefully listening to my chosen piece of music and going through my photos at the same time ( as the keys change im not sure what the technical name is or if it has one). MAKING THE PHOTOS AND MUSIC SYNC (i think thats what I mean) . Well basically I did that and Ive sort of worked out ( maybe a bit off ) that around 155 photographs would fit with the song. So ive been cutting more down during the day. Photo elimination is something i find really difficult. Not because of their quality or whatever I just feel emotionally connected to them. Like every single one is important and sentimental. For me ive found this hard since I first picked up a camera however im glad i am becoming used to it as i know in my future works, independently and for others, it will be a process i have to go through. 

So today didnt go to plan and was pretty fucking frustrating but I still made progress. 

6/4/20

So over the passed week Ive really been struggling with my inspiration and my attempt to have a work life balance during this weird time. Usually Uni and my job would be my structure and now I dont have that I have felt really unsettled and quite anxious. But is going to change. Over the past 4 days Ive been going on jogs and doing a bit of exercise. A couple of months a go I got in touch with the UAL girls football team and expressed how I wanted to start coming to the club at the start of my first year at csm and i was going to attend the last training sessions of the season to see if I would enjoy it. However due to the current covid-19 circumstances I couldn't attend. I still plan on joining in september but I have decided ,in order to have some more structure in my life at the moment and not look like an absolute dickhead on the pitch, to start exercising and doing some independent football training. Ive wanted to play since I was a kid but every time ive gone to start somethings happened. In primary school I always wanted to have a kick about with the boys but i usually got sent away because i was a girl but also cause i was pretty shit. Then in secondary school I signed up for the football team  (i went to an all girls state school) but because of a neck injury I had been recovering from I had to stop. Also the club stopped anyway cause there were only 7 girls in the team. I love going to watch football and ive always wanted to get involved as its good for you. Physically and mentally. I struggle with my mental health a lot but ive never been able to fully invest time into physical excersise to help my mental health. I mean I live on microwave meals and smoke like a fucking chimney. I dont plan on stopping smoking though. Sorry Mum. But I want to play football so I want to be somewhat fitter and more comfortable so Im not huffing and puffing across the pitch like a prick. 

Over the weekend i did to some painting in the garden and now have completed 2 out of the series of 3 paintings i have planned as outcomes. (SEE DIGITAL OUTCOMES). 

I am going to make a structure plan for my week and upload it to my workflow when its done. I know it will be super basic and look like a 10 year old has done it but who cares it helps me so. 

 Its now 11pm and ive uploaded all my sketchbook pages to my workflow. Tomorrow Im planning on finishing my second painting and starting to edit my video. 

31/3/20

Today I spent the day in bed, but I was pretty bloody productive. I went through all the memory cards I could find and searched through all of my laptop to find my favourite photographs I have taken over the 18 months. I ended up with 199  which is an annoying number. I went through and edited them all in preparation to start putting together my new video outcome (SEE DIGITAL OUTCOMES PAGE). Ive also thought about what piece of classical music I want to use, I think either, Gymnopedie by Erik Satie or Clare de Lune by Claude Debussy. Ive also found my old phone and are looking at the possibilities of using personal archive audio for either the sound for the video or maybe a separate part of the 'installation' I want to create with my paintings, video and photographs. 

 30/3/20

Over the past few days Ive been working in my sketchbook ignorer to improve my work and make my thought process a little clearer. Ive struggled with this forever like putting my thoughts on paper is something ive always found quite difficult, due to the pressure of keeping it clear, academic ect. I know ive just got to try and do it in a way that suits me. As Pauline Moon said to me, no one passed foundation cause of good sentence structure. I always try and keep that in my head. 

Ive also been going through my memory cards and looking through photographs Ive taken over the past year or so for my video. I try to take my camera everywhere and this is something I used to be sort of known for doing. Ive got hundreds of photos ive never even seen!! Ive been going through them for my new outcome idea. Ive gathered a collection to put in my video and ill try and upload them as a pdf to my digital outcomes page. Im also trying to use the isolation period to my advantage. Ive been going on walks around where I live and visiting more places I have been to as a kid and a teenager. The parks and areas that hold a lot of memories. Im planning on combing the photographs ive taken recently, as well as my Millwall and band photos with older photographs. 

Since I first picked up a camera Ive documented my environment and the community that Im a part of. My best photographs are of my friends. Where we have all attempted to escape from reality. Escape from a capitalist society that looks down on individuals just because of where their from or what their parents do for a living. My photographs document the significant places and people in my life. Due to my personal interests and experiences I have always been more interested in capturing moments of young people either rebelling or escaping the system. The lack of working class representation in the art world can be seriously daunting and frustrating. So I feel it is my job to display what my life has been like growing up a working class member of the community. People often roll their eyes at certain subjects, kids doing drugs and having sex and just being kids to be honest. Many people attempt to look away and not igknowledge real life. I would never consider myself unfortunate or unlucky. Ive grown up with and around very hard working people and I believe this is why I feel so passionate about the things I do. 

This outcome is going to link to my research and my work due to its upfront and honest view into the life of a young person in 21st century Britain. Although Ive had less opportunities than others and Im surrounded by people that are also continuously let down by society that doesn't matter because we're all still humans who experience the same things and emotions. The money we have does not change that. 

For as long as I can remember taking photos Ive always thought I was documenting the lives of others. Now I see that Ive truly been documenting my life and my experiences. 

26/3/20

Im planning on going on a walk later. Now im home, i want to go on a walk to my local woods where I used to go play, video shit, hand have a laugh. This started from like the age of 11 maybe. I think so anyway. I was a cheeky little shit. Im gonna take my camera to document the significance of the area in my life. Going and playing out was like the first taste of freedom. We'd say we were just going to the park but us cheeky sods went off playing in the woods instead. 

I went on my walk and took loads of photos of places I used to play and hang out when I was a pre teen twat. I really enjoyed visiting all these spots and documenting them especially while it is so quiet during isolation. Empty parks, streets, alley ways ect.  I didnt realise how sentimental it world all be. I also tried to do a bit of my own poetry graffiti I wrote on a bench in the park I used to go to. I wrote 'Everybody deserves a chance' and underneath the climbing frame 'Why am I a second class citizen.' Now I know this isn't really my gobby and potty mouth said but I want to reach all people. This was in a kids park so im not going to swear and be too rude but subtle messages that kids can ask their mums and dads about. Create the dialogue that despite what some lack anything can truly be accomplished. 

At the end of my walk I was coming back to my house and I live a few doors down from this little common and theres an old residential carpark up the hill a bit. Ever since we've lived here Ive never seen a car in there. Mainly broken glass, baggies, and fag butts. But me and my pals used to skateboard on there. Right at the back its really overgrown, the fence is breaking ect so i wrote 'Why does this country care more about money than people?' 

24/3/20

Im trying to organise my workflow as much as possible. I didn't know whether to take a picture of all my sketch book pages or just the pages i felt were the most significant. So i did the second one. The quality of my photos aren't the best. I dont have a printer or scanner so hopefully this is okay I know its a bit scruffy. Im really going to try and dedicate my time to explorations in my sketchbook even if their shit. 

I also completed my painting and it measures: 91cm x 68cm  ( see digital outcome page)

But over the next few days Im going to concentrate on my sketchbook. Get as much planning, exploring and discussing done. I almost want to do a big mind map of how my project has developed and grown into something bigger than I expected. Especially considering the big changes we have all faced over the past couple weeks now. 

23/3/20

I feel like I've been focusing too much on my research and workflow recently. But i need to keep explaining how all my research and work connects, i may make a mind map for this and upload it too my sketchbook folder.  I need to stop and focus on my sketchbook and new outcomes. Im sad that I am not able to complete my Why does this country care more about money than people photos. However I want to do some more paintings and of course the video I have planned. Im planning on using spray paint and paint pens for these. Im the past I've worked on reasonably small canvases, but I want to practice getting bigger and bigger. The colours im planning on using are black, punk pink, and red. My expressive paintings include my poetry too. I felt in the last test painting I did, 'They lie people die', the writing is too big. It needs to be more subtle so for my next painting im going to do just that. 

22/3/20

So today I interviewed my mum about her childhood. I thought she would be more like brutally honest. My mum is amazing but she has had some struggles and i realise this is something she doesn't feel comfortable sharing. Thats okay. Ill upload my interview voice note with mum when I can. The wifi in my house is so shit its really difficult to keep up with everything. 

Im going to interview my dad soon. Not only about his childhood but also his job and how the coronavirus has and is affecting him and his employment. 

21/3/20

Today I planned more for my new outcome. The slide shoe of photographs, similar to the video I made for the LUX project, 'The Great Fucking Outdoors'. I have taken in the past 2 years. Im planning on customising the pace of the slide show to match the key change (im not sure what the exact word is but im hoping you get what I mean) on the piano. The soundtrack I am will be using is arabesque part one by Claude Debussy. Ive used classical music in my art work since my GCSE's. I find that classical music is incredibly thought and emotion provoking. When I was 17 I was told that my love of classical music surprising due to me being working class. Basically I got told isn't that too posh for you? I love classical music because of how it can create beautiful, peaceful, violent environments and feelings. I believe that the things I am talking about should make you scared, upset, anxious ect. In a lot of my work I have used very peaceful and beautiful pieces of music in order to create a conflict for the viewer. As in, the imagery I use is uncomfortable, violent, taboo ect but the music is soft and gentle. I like this contrast. I think it creates a more interesting discussion. 

20/3/2020

Today I found out that I was made redundant, so thats pretty shit. I know its because of the coronavirus and they have to make sacrifices. However I know I am incredibly lucky. I still live at home and my parents are planning on working as much as they until they may not be allowed to be. I have a roof over my head. I am fed. I am part of a loving family. This time is worrying for others, not just the elderly and people with underlying health issues, but the many that rely on their jobs and income in order to support their families. Not that all people dont rely on income but I mean the people that literally cant put food on the tables if they are not working. The kids that rely on school meals to get fed during the day, the millions of homeless people in this country experiencing the most isolation and loneliness of their lives. Its a worrying and scary time for everyone but fuck me the less fortunate must be fucking terrified. 

When my dad got home from work we sat and had a fag. He told me how Boris said that the one thing that will not be completely stopped in building work. Apparently the economical and social development and status of this country is more important than every plumber, electrician and pipe fitters (ect) on this building sites around the country. My dad told me how it was just something that reminded him that he is a second class citizen according to the government and much of society. He also said mentioned the lack of fucks given about the hygiene and health and safety on in the majority of sites he’s worked on. 

The coronavirus is a horrible thing thats happening to the world. Its not like the way many Brits look at life, Keep Calm Carry On, its now Keep Calm Hide Away. Its devastating lives around the world every second ands its certainly displaying a lot of greed and selfishness of humanity. But it is also showing us a sense of community. People are trying to help each other looking out for one and other. 

19/3/2020

At my tutorial Annalore told me that to improve my research I need to explain how my research relates and inspires my work. From Mike Skinner chatting about how to stay positive when you’re really fucking struggling to Billy walking in the streets with Kes before going out to train and fly him, every aspects of my research inspires my work. All of it and it has been for as long as I can remember. During my time in 4D, I found there was a topic I just kept linking all of my ideas to and that was class and social injustice. From my re-edit project outcome, London Burning To The Fucking Ground to my lux project outcome The Fucking Great Outdoors. Its a topic I have always felt very passionate about due to how personal it is. I come from a family of incredibly hard working, kind and wise people but due to social status, income and bullshit we are considered second class citizens. Why is this? Im angry cause its so fucking personal. All the disadvantages and lack of opportunities that me and my family have faced. As well as others like us and less fortunate than us. Thats why im so fucking angry and thats why, for this project, I want to attack this topic and question head on. Why are the working class so fucking angry?

A lot of my research for this project are things from my childhood, ( for example; music that was played in the car when I was a kid and films me and my brother would find in our stocking at christmas). Others are recommendations from my mum, dad and pops. And the rest are films, music and artists that genuinely inspire me with my work but also in everyday life. 

Over the next few days I plan on improving my research by adding the connections and links from the research to the work I make. I also plan on interviewing my mum, dad and possibly brother in order to gather some more primary research. Im also planning on doing some painting. 

18/3/20

Today I went to LCC to gather and print of some more research and take out some books and films. The research I am printing off is based around football hooliganism. Since my project includes one of the most infamous football club for hooliganism I felt it was appropriate. Violence in at Millwall FC is nothing new, in fact the stigma they have can be traced back over 100 years ago. However hooliganism became prevalent in the 1970s & 80s with the F-Troops, now known as the Millwall Bushwackers, being known as one of the most notorious hooligan gangs in the England. The Den has been closed down 5 times by the Football Association and has received various fines due to crowd disorder.  I found some articles about Football Hooliganism and also more specifically Millwall and their history on Hooliganism ( On research page ). 

At the LCC library I took out films, Nil By Mouth, Fish Tank, La Haine, The Firm, Elephant and The Last Of England and the book 

I also went to the CassArt shop in Angel to stock up on canvas materials, paint & spray paint . I also got a pack of sketchbooks so I can continue to record reflect, research, explore and experiment. I stocked up on these supplies so I can continue with my exploration for my project to the best of my ability, despite the current circumstances.

16/3/20

Today was our first day back after tutorials however shit really has hit the fan. So the Coronavirus is spreading very fast and my mates & peers are all going home in fear that the UK will go into lockdown. Just like Italy did yesterday. As of tomorrow there will be no more teaching until further notice. So tutorials are now going to be on moodle and we will have contact with our tutors over email about our project and our progress. UAL will be kept open but there will be no teachers. I plan to come in as much as I can to access facilities and materials I am unable to use at home. 

I spent the day printing my photographs and different research materials for my sketchbook, as I know from my progress tutorial last week that my book is something I need to focus on. I also planned my week. On Wednesday I plan on going to LCC’s library to stock up on books and films for me to use for my research.

12/3/20

Progress tutorial feedback:

11/3/20

'Graffiti is symbolic of rebellion from working class, ethnic minority and disadvantaged groups who are the main victims of the gentrifying processes of globalisation and cultural development.’

http://theprotocity.com/graffiti-socio-politically-expressive-gentrification-device/

Today I spent my day at the library. Ive been thinking about some more possible experiments. The thing that drew me to Roger Perry’s graffiti photography was the lack of colour and detail of the street art he photographed. Graffiti is a crime that is often associated with with working class people. Hmmm I wonder why that is? Graffiti is a wicked why to spread a message and express oneself. Whether its political, personal, cultural ect graffiti is the perfect example that art is for everybody. There are no limits with graffiti. You can say what you want and what you feel without having your name/ face to it. Also your not just sharing your messages and thoughts to an ‘art’ focused audience its to everyone in your community. The wide audience. A fraction of society. Street art is something that has always been quite significant in my life. This is because, despite the fact my family dont really consider themselves to be ‘artistic’ they have always appreciated and loved graffiti. One of the significant memories of this in my childhood is watching the hip-hop inspired drama Beat Street, 1984. A scene I remember in particular is when the protagonist, Ramon, writes “RAMON: IF ART IS A CRIME MAY GOD FORGIVE ME”.

While in the library I thought about how I could combine my ideas with poetry and graffiti. I have already done this in one way with my flag/banner. Nothing pretty. Just a direct what the fuck type of question. However Ive been thinking about how I want to create an installation out of the experiments I am doing for this project. I want to try something else. Step out of my comfort zone a little. During Insights I got really into expressive painting. Before I had always written painting off because my lack of drawing ability. But Insights taught me that not everything has to be pretty. Often the most ugly and shocking art is the most powerful. Like Larry Clark photographing a man injecting heroin into his wrist and like Mark Rothko painting huge abstract expressionists paintings that overwhelmed the viewer just because of the environment he creates. So I think Id like to try and combine my poetry and expressive paintings to create the environment and set the tone for my installation and how I want viewers to see my project. This project shouldn’t make you feel calm, content, just not fussed. I want my project to make people fucking angry, frustrated and pretty pissed off. My poetry usually is very personal and mostly based around my mental health, however I think it would interesting to combine the process I use when expressing my demons with the social, cultural and political views that I believe in so passionately. 

9/3/20

I had a wicked weekend and I feel like I took some good shots for my banner photographs. I edited them today in the library. My progress tutorial is on thursday so I will be prepping for that. My sketchbook needs the most work I think. I need to make sure Im communicating all my ideas even if I dont think its significant or clear. I need to remember the tutors are not in my brain so i need to break down my ideas. 

When I got home this evening I thought more about Roger Perry's photography and how he brought many important discussions to light. Hundreds, maybe even thousands, of people would have walked past those pieces of graffiti but he saw their importance and felt the duty to share them. Thats kind of how I feel. I like working with topics and themes that could cause conflicting discussions. After all no issue is ever solved without sacrifice and action. Fuck sake Emily Davidson threw her self under a horse because of the cause she felt so passionately about. I think my opinions and views are important and others should be aware of them. I I want to make art that shoves shit in peoples faces. Put an issue they may chose to look aware from and ignore right in their face. 

Anyway, I found a photograph I took In Kos, Greece. Myself and my family went on holiday to Kos In 2015. This was a time where the refugee crisis was very prevalent. There were hundreds of people living on the beach in order to escape their war torn country. I saw this piece of graffiti and it has always strayed with me. I think its pretty relevant to my work for this project.

4/3/20

Ive been thinking about my theme and I still love it but I hope it doesn’t come across that im angry cause I have had an unfortunate life. I have had my experiences with personal struggles as well as social ones but never would I ever say Ive had it rough. I am incredibly proud to call almost every member of my family my family. I have the most wonderful memories of my childhood, for example;  staying with my grandparents over the holidays while my parents had to go to work. Im not and never have been an opinionated, gob shite that needs any kind of sympathy or empathy. Im angry for many the opportunities me, my family and many others like us and less fortunate than us, have missed out on due to their income and social class. 

Im fucking angry!

• Where is the justice for the victims of Grenfell?
• Where is the funding for community based projects?
• Why are people still freezing on the streets? 
• Why are kids going to school with empty stomachs?
• Why is there so much racial profiling? 
• Why are addicts treated like criminals?
• Why are there 0 hour contracts? 
• Why do people from higher income backgrounds have more opportunities than people from lower income backgrounds? 

WHY AM I FUCKING ANGRY?

WHY DOES THIS COUNTRY CARE MORE ABOUT MONEY THAN PEOPLE?

3/3/20

Today I’ve planned some more locations for my flag/ banner. This weekend I’m visiting an old school mate, she lives in Manchester. Manchester is a city that I really like, It was my 3rd time there. Manchester Art School was originally where I wanted to do my degree. The city is just so full of sick culture and there are so many just nice, friendly human beings its very refreshing. For example the first I ever visited Manc, at around midnight a man came walking towards me ( I was worried he would be aggressive) he just pointed at my t-shirt and said “Love that top mate thats proper rock n roll”. This was when I decided I loved Manchester. Anyway Im really looking forward to seeing my friend and just getting away for bit. So the locations Ive thought about using for my banner photographs are; Manchester Art Gallery, GAY and maybe on a mode of transport (tram,train or bus). I feel as though my banner photos are starting to look too similar. Of course the repetition of me and the banner is the main focus of the photograph however I think I want to vary some of the shots. Maybe shot from further away or perhaps at an angle. Just to keep the viewer on their toes ever so slightly. 

2/3/20

 Over the weekend me and my dad went to Millwall, with a couple of old pals, to watch them play Bristol City. Millwall football team are incredibly infamous for its past hooliganism and trouble. However I want to show this isn’t necessarily the case anymore. Although some of the fans are still twats there are many that support Millwall because they are proud (mostly working class) South Londoners. I took my camera in an attempt to capture some shots of the community and the environment. I also took my banner and took some pictures with it after the match. While my dad was taking the photo of me holding the banner some random knobhead shouted “IF YOU DONT LIKE THIS COUNTRY YOU CAN FUCK OFF OUT OF IT CUNT”. In which my dad responded “Can you read mate?”. To be honest I loved It. I love creating a discussion for people through my work. Whether its negative or positive everything is something to take on and learn about. Ive never cared if people love my work or hate it, what would upset me is if they didn’t feel anything at all. So yeah the knobhead made it more interesting. Apart from this slightly aggressive situation, I feel i took some great photographs that represented the side of Millwall I wanted to show. Parents were there with children, babies and older. Grandads and grandsons. Families and friends. A community. All singing “youre a cunt” together. 

In the studio today I chose the photographs that I felt were the best and I edited them. Im planning on getting the best ones printed for my sketch book but also add them to my slide show video idea. I will start planning and experimenting with sound and the editing style soon. 

28/2/20

 The more Im researching, reading, making and thinking the angrier I am getting. I am so passionate about these topics I am attempting to discuss in this project. Due to my personal experiences as well as what is going on around me. A lot of my research sources are films for this project. I love watching films, Ive grown up watching tragic, realistic, scary, awful, hilarious ect films mostly with my mum. She shares my love for film. After doing film for one of my A-Level I’ve developed a deeper understanding of film elements such as cinematography and how they contribute to the message of the film and how these elements create an intended emotion and environment for audiences. Some of the films I have looked at for research for this project and want to look at are:

• Kidulthood 
• Adulthood 
• Brotherhood
• Kes 
• I Daniel Blake 
• Wasp 
• Fishtank 
• Moonlight 
• Candy 

My favourite genre of film is and always will be social realist because I believe it is so important for people to see and at least attempt to understand different sides of life they may never have before. After all thats what we do when we watch films. As an audience we immerse ourselves into the films and always put ourselves into the shoes of the protagonists. Even without realising. Whether its Defiance, the inspiring film about the true story of a community of Jewish people hiding in the forrest during the holocaust , or feeling our hearts and souls falling out of our arse in shock at the dead baby in Trainspotting. Film is a medium I chose to explore in different way to ‘cinema’ but its where a lot of my inspiration comes from. 

 I also plan on looking at a book that was recommended to me by my Pops (my dads dad), The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists. My Pops has always told me how significant the book is to not only him but to society as a whole. This timeless classic will broaden my knowledge on the class system and how it hasn't changed a lot since this book was written. Yes times are incredibly different. But people are still starving. People are still 'living' on a wage that isn't possible to live on. People are still homeless. There is still extreme injustice, prejudice and inequality. 

27/2/20

 Today in the studio I thought about some other outcome experiments that i could do. As well as my serious of photographs with my banner I would like to make a film of all my documentary styled photos. A video like the one I did for the LUX project, ‘The Great Fucking Outdoors’. Almost like slideshow styled. Ive liked the idea of displaying photographs in this way since I went to see Nan Goldin’s Ballad of Sexual Dependency. At the end of the exhibition there was a video slide show of all her photos from this series, it also included personally chosen pieces of music. I really like using classical music in my work as I believe in contrasts to many of the topics I have worked on. But again, like for my LUX project,  I think I would i would like to use a mixture of personal archive audio as well as found audio. I think Id also like to explore more of my frustration and passion for the theme Im working on through painting and perhaps more poetry.

26/2/20 

 The NHS is, in my opinion, one of the greatest things about this country. However the system is crumbling before our very eyes. Waiting times are at record numbers and funding for different parts of the service is lacking. I have a few personal experiences based around relying on the NHS and being let down. When I was 13 I went to my Doctors about some mental health issues I was dealing with. I was lucky enough to receive some counselling within a year (which i still had to pay for) however I have OCD and had to wait around 3 years for CBT. Ive spent my entire teen years in the mental health services of the NHS. I still am. The NHS is amazing and the doctors, nurses, ect are all amazing but the lack of funding from  the establishment is just shocking. Due to this people like myself have to become really fucking ill before they get help. Its so frustrating thinking you have to be ‘ill enough’ to receive help. It feels like you have to be on deaths door in order to have your mental health taken seriously enough. However I am incredibly lucky and my courses of CBT were excellent. The services have the ability to save lives in so many ways but it needs more attention and care. 

Another personal experience I’ve been thinking about is the sad death of my grandad. Peter Ellery came to the UK, from India, at the age of 17. He worked his entire life to support himself and his family in every way he possibly could and also was generally a very kind man. In late 2016 his left cheek began to swell. He went to the GP and they sent him away with cream. It got bigger. Then the GP sent him to the dentist and he had some teeth got taken out. Still no improvement and this lump got bigger and bigger. Finally by April 2017 he was given a scan of his face. He had a very aggressive tumour. We were told he would have 5 months. He received little treatment as we were told it was too late. He died July 2017. His passing has of course devastated my entire family and many strangers. My grandad was an amazing man who deserved to be treated with respect and taken seriously. In my opinion the doctors lack of attention meant that he was led to certain death. This is just another reason why I am so passionate about social issues. Perhaps if he was given a scan even a month earlier we may have had longer with him. My grandad was an incredibly hard working man who deserved to be supported as much as he supported others. But he died a different person. 

My last personal experience im going to take inspiration from is my 2nd cousin John. I call him uncle John cause he’s my dads cousin and is in his mid 40s but yeah. John is another very kind, sweet and loving member of my family but he has a dark past. He is a recovering heroin addict. Addiction has always been an issue very close to my heart because of this and well just because i believe addiction is NOT a criminal issue but a health issue. My uncle John has been on methadone for many many years and learning about the dangers of this drug is really unsettling. Why aren’t there any rehab facilities in this country, funded by the government and run by the NHS?! Instead of powerful therapy John, like many ex addicts, were just given another drug and sent on their way rather than helping discover the underlining problems that lead to their addictions. 

Basically the NHS is an amazing thing and it has been since it was founded in 1948 by a labour government. But it has the capability to do so much more. Looking after the people in the UK at times of worry, fear, hurt, ect. This leads me back to my question…

WHY DOES THIS COUNTRY CARE MORE ABOUT MONEY THAN PEOPLE?

25/2/20

 I am interested in looking at grime music. Grime was born on council estates in the uk and in my opinion its like the modern day punk. People using their voices to say it how it is. Although I like listening to artists like Skeptre, Stormzy, Dave, Slowthai, JME ect I dont feel I know a lot about grime music and the history around it so I am going to do some deeper research into it. I have found some a podcast by Vice called ‘How has politics shaped grime and grime shaped politics’ so ill listen to that and make notes. 

I am also passionate about the reason why people rebel and what motivates them to do so. A very big issue in the uk today is gang crime and related crime. In 2019, by only May, 100 people had been fatally stabbed. Knife crime, in my opinion, cannot be policed away. Stop and searches are only causing more frustration as authorities target people of ethnic minority backgrounds. In my opinion gang culture stems from social and cultural deprivation. The constant let down from the government. The lack of opportunity and support that working class people have and receive drives them to question why. They angry and I dont fucking blame them. Im angry and thats why im doing this project myself. 

For some more research Im gonna watch and analyse the series Topboy. 

24/2/20

 Today I uploaded some of my banner photos to workflow. As I am diving into my research I am thinking about basing my exploration of ideas and outcomes around subcultures and their rebellion. I am really interested in how different subcultures have put their middle finger up to the establishment in anger due to social and political issues. I am interested in looking at SKA music and how cultures were brought together despite the racism and prejudice in the 60s and 70s. Skinhead subculture has always been something im very interested in I love my docs, fred perrys and levis but the stigma around this subculture is saddening because it can now be associated  with neo nazis ( aka twats ). However Skinhead culture was brought to life by people from the wind rush generation coming over to the uk from the west indies ect and then sharing music and attitudes with people from the uk.  

In the studio today, I had a look at some photos I took, over the weekend, of a few bands from my local town. The bands' names are Scowl, Bruise and Smile and they performed at the Tunbridge Wells forum where I photographed them and the crowd. All 3 of these bands are young punk groups. Screaming and shouting about sex, drugs, alcohol and most importantly their political beliefs. I am interested in using these photos in some way to display a group from a youth subculture that are believed to be too young to be taken seriously but insist on being heard. 

This coming weekend I am going to a Millwall game with my dad. Now whenever anyone hears Millwall they almost immediately think hooligans, thugs, racists ect however I am on the quest to show that not all Millwall fans are twats. Im from Bexley, SE London but my grandma is from Deptford and well her whole family support Millwall. Anyway I am planning on taking my camera to the game so I can get some shots of the fans and the culture. I am also going to take my flag with me so I can get photos with it after the match. 

20/2/20

For this Unit 4 project I want to explore and discover all the ways in which I believe the British government and society has let down working class people. The many inequalities and injustices that go on in everyday life that aren’t considered out of the ordinary. Ill be looking at different forms of social and cultural deprivation. Expanding my knowledge on the education system, the national health service, the criminal justice system, the welfare state, and the lack of opportunity. I will also be looking at case studies and examples of these injustices. I want to express the frustration of myself and many others. 

I want to look at films, various articles, music, books and artists for my research. For example; Wasp and Fish Tank (Andrea Arnold, Films), Adulthood (Noel Clarke, Film), Kes and I, Daniel Blake (Ken Loach, Films) and Nil By Mouth (Gary Oldman, Film) ect. I also want to look at `Poverty Safari (Darren McGarvey, Book) andThe Ragged Trousered Philanthropists (Robert Tressell, Book) ect. 

I want to play around with the idea of graffiti in order to experiment with my poetry with a mass audience. I want to continuing playing around with old personal audio, photography and video. Perhaps I will use found footage again. I also kinda want to play around with analogue film but that is something I am still thinking about. 

Over the weekend I re watched a film that has always stuck with me. I watched I, Daniel Blake. I showed this film to my parents and they were both in bits. The themes and topics that Ken Loach showed to the world in 1969 still need to be told in the present day. Has our class system gotten worse or is it slowly fading out of society? Fuck no its not. So I came up with an idea for a possible bit of research and an exploration. After feeling touched by this film once again I decided to make a flag / banner that only had a question written on it in black. Nothing special. Nothing fancy. No comic sans font. ‘Why does this country care more about money than people’. Over the weekend I took my flag everywhere with me so I could photograph myself holding it ( see digital outcome page). I plan on it being a photographic series but also experimenting with the ideas of performance art and how I could incorporate that medium into this. So far the locations I have photographed my flag are Eastbourne beach, The Grand Hotel in Eastbourne, outside the Earl Haig pub in Welling and Opposite some offies on Pantiles road in Welling. I am planning to take photographs of it outside parliament, outside The Ritz, possibly outside Buckingham Palace, Outside the remains of the Grenfell tower block and many more in London. I am also going up to Manchester next week and plan on taking it with me in order to expand this photographic series/ performance thing to a wider audience. This in itself will be very interesting as I could use the publics reactions as a form of research. 

 13/2/20 

 While thinking discussing my ideas and interests for this project I decided to do some of my own primary research to start with. Today I put up a poster in Archway (csm) and wrote, at the top, 'What do you hate most about Britain?'. Im very curious about the views of my peers especially because we al come from completely different backgrounds. Culturally and socially. I know I am very lucky to be born and raised in Britain. I know this for sure. However this country is still riddled with injustice, prejudice and inequality. I am a very proud member of the working class and this is something im really interested in exploring. How our life experiences/ opportunities differ due to the class system. I am interested in others opinions and how they are influenced by the privilege, ethnicity, race, social status, age ect. 

(SEE RESEARCH PAGE)